As the New Year rolls in it is a great time for us to evaluate our self-talk and consider what kind of story we are writing for our lives…is it one that pleases us, or do some things need to change?
I noticed despite all my prayer and focus on being a more loving person…I couldn’t break the cycle of my grumpiness at home. I thought, that is strange, I have made this desire to be more loving the focus of my life?! Why can’t I sort through these negative feelings? Then it hit me…I am stuck in a story of the past…in which I felt pain and bitterness.
When we want BIG change, Real change…it is only possible in the present moment. This is the only place we are receptive enough to receive God’s Love and support. I began to realize I have been in the darkness of my cave for years and although I have been evolving…I still bounce back and forth between two of my most prevalent facades: bitchy and exuberant (the former at home, the latter when social). Neither of these is the person I truly am, they are merely masks that protect me from feeling certain emotions.
So when I woke this morning at 4:11am. I grimaced as I felt the pain in my back that has plagued me for the last 15 years. I sighed. This is not what I wanted out of life. My story has been: “My back is killing me, I don’t have enough time to myself, and no one appreciates all that I do!”
This is where the great I AM comes into play. I AM is supposedly how God referred to Himself to Moses. What powerful words of creation! For the next 2 hours I stated affirmations as I laid in bed “I am loving, I am fair, I am creative, I am in touch with my femininity, I am healthy”…on and on it went and throughout the whole day. This creates new synapses in our brains, and opens new doors of possibility within our lives.
What was really shocking is that even though I was saying all these words inside my head; I noticed my boys found resolve where typically they would be fighting…I saw them reflecting on the people they were, and making some new choices. The day was harmonious.
A new story is how we create a new life for ourselves.
Be mindful of the power of your words and the story that you tell…make it one that brings you joy.
Happy New Year!
A few months ago, before conceptualizing this website...
I was sitting in a meditative prayer one morning as I sat with the rising sun, staring out the window at one of my favorite trees, with whom I have shared many mornings. I remember that during this time I was in a lot of pain with a recurring back injury. As I sat there in stillness, I went into a dream-like state in which I had a vision of my body as a castle tower made of stone with stairs that spiraled from the ground to the very top…lit only by a few small torches. There was a heavy wooden door with cast iron hinges locked up tightly with chains…with no way in or out. When you reached the highest point in the tower there was a small dusty room with two EYE-shaped windows…this was the only room in the entire tower.
I came into the castle like a narrator or a voice or a body-less presence and I immediately observed a little girl about 5 years old stomping up and down the stairs seething with anger. When she went to the top room, huffing and screaming, she struggled to reach the little windows to look outside longingly at the world around the castle…that is when I approached her…
I said: “Little girl, why are you so angry?”
She replied: “I AM ANGRY AT YOU FOR KEEPING ME LOCKED UP IN THIS TOWER!”
Me: “What do you mean? How have I kept you locked in this tower?”
She: “You never let me be myself…you locked me up and MADE ME A PRISONER HERE!”
Me: “Why would I do that?”
She: “I don’t know why, but I am very angry!”
Me: “Well, what can I do to help you?”
She: “Let me out of here…let me be myself…let me shine!”
Me: “How do I let you out? This dungeon tower is locked up tight.”
She: “Use the key!”
Me: “What key?”
And I remember hearing a voice: “Why don't you make one?”…as I lifted out of this dreamy state and back into waking life.
Once again I was looking out the window at my tree. I thanked God for this beautiful system He has in place...that is always able and willing to send messages and insights to us when we are seeking answers. I realized quickly that the little girl was me…and that I was holding myself back from my true purpose and calling. I realized that the dusty, dark, and dirty Dungeon Tower was a symbol of the pain I was carrying within my own body…including the girl’s anger. It was clear. I needed to step up my game. Be my best self…honoring all the blessings and gifts I was given by God. It was time to set the little girl free!
I immediately went to my shop…and started making “The Dungeon Tower Key”…and have worn it nearly every day since as a reminder to:
1) Be Authentic,
2) Honor my Gifts, and
3) Realize that God's Laws are always working…drawing in experiences we need to learn. He has given us Free Will, so we must make the choice & turn the key.
Unlock your full potential.